Missouri Senator, Ron Blunt

This edition of the #fuckboyfiles features the case of Missouri Senator Ron Blunt who takes the blame game even further than blaming Muslims (Stacey Dash) or De Blasio (Pat Lynch). This fuckboy is blaming the protests in Ferguson for the murder of officers of Wenjian Liu and Rafael Ramos. Ferguson.  A man travels from Baltimore to shoot cops in NYC and.....Ferguson  Who are we to blame for his fuckboylogic? We could blame his hairpiece but I'm going to do the revolutionary thing and hold the people who do shit accountable for their own actions. It's interesting that our society praises individualism in times of triumph, but when there's tragedy it's every one else's fault. Everyone loves to talk about "pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps" when they're successful but then you want to blame the sweatshop workers in China for not knowing how to make a reliable bootstrap when you fail.  Contrary to contradictory rhetoric in this country, people are capable of forming their own opinions. Maybe, just maybe, the people who feel the way they do had these feelings before Mike Brown, Eric Garner, Al Sharpton, Pat Lynch, or Bill de Blasio. Maybe, just maybe, the people (on whichever side you stand on) formed these opinions based on their upbringing and personal experiences and if it's anything which needs to be examined it's that. But since we're blaming everyone for everything, I find it real funny how EVERYONE and EVERYTHING is being blamed for the murder of those two officers but NO ONE is blaming ANYONE or ANYTHING for the shooting of Shaneka Thompson (the ex-girlfriend who was also shot by the same man on the same day and struggles to recover). We're ready to blame the sun and the stars for the death of these two officers but we can't even get a telescope for Shaneka.

Pat Lynch

It's only right that I get the picture showing when PBA President Pat Lynch does the most damage: whenever this fuck boy opens his mouth. Lynch gets another case added to the #fuckboyfiles where in his response to deaths of officers Rafael Ramos and Wenjian Liu says, "There's blood on many hands tonight. Those that incited violence on the street under the guise of protest. That blood on the hands starts on the steps of City Hall in the office of the Mayor." 😐 The only person with blood on their hands from any of this is the fuck boy who drove from Baltimore, killed two cops and took his own life. That's it--anything else is a reach. These symbolic reaches for who to blame--when we already know who because he has a toe tag--are like those bad magicians who can't do their card trick correctly and try to convince you that you're holding every other card in your hand besides the one you're looking at. We're sitting here with an ace of clubs in our hand and these fuck boys are repeatedly trying to convince us that it's not: "Is it the 7 of hearts" No. "What about the king of diamonds" 😐 no. "Duce of hearts" 😒 no. "Are you sure?" YES WE'RE SURE, WE'RE LOOKING RIGHT AT THE CARD!!! Either learn the trick correctly or work at the Krusty Krab. these symbolic reaches are yielding no rabbits from your fuck boy hat. Neither Lynch nor Sharpton really care about the families they're "representing," they only care about power. The only thing power is concerned about is more. And these fuck boys would flip their grandmother's pockets if they thought power was there.

Stacey Dash

What did I tell you? The death of those two officers are going to get blamed on everything except the man who pulled the trigger. Not even 24 hours and we have another case for the #fuckboyfiles regarding fuck boys and their fuck boy logic. Yesterday this fuck boy Stacey Dash posted on her Twitter: "These murders are the natural result of the jihad on cops that Al Sharpton & De Blasio has called for. They should be held accountable."😳 Jihad (noun): a war fought by Muslims to defend or spread their beliefs. Of all of the hashtags Ismaaiyl Brinsley used yesterday to declare his murders, NOT ONE had anything to do with Islam, Muslims, Jihad or anything which suggests that what happened yesterday was an attempt to spread religious views, there was not ONE "Allahu Akbar" so what the fuck is she talking about? But that tweet got 1,459 retweets and 1,039 favorites, so you know what IS being spread? The religion of fuck boy logic because there is someone looking at their phone saying," Yeah, That's right! It's those fucking Muslims!" 😒 They always say art imitates life, but who would've known that this fuck boy wasn't acting when she was in Clueless.

Ismaaiyl Brinsley

Today's case of the #fuckboyfiles hands down goes to this fuck boy Ismaaiyl Brinsley who attempted to exploit the deaths of Mike Brown and Eric Garner as a reason to murder NYPD Officers Rafael Ramos and Wenjian Liu today in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn. These murders don't have shit to do with "chickens coming home to roost" (even Malcolm realized he took it too far when he said that) These murders were an attempt for this fuck boy to cover up the fact that he shot his ex-girlfriend, in Baltimore. His last Facebook post, "I Always Wanted To Be Known For Doing Something Right...But My Past Is Stalking Me and My Present Is Haunting Me," is in direct response to knowing that he was fucked for shooting his ex-girlfriend and it was his fuck boy logic that told him, "Well if I kill cops in the name of Eric Garner and Mike Brown, nobody will care that I shot my girlfriend and I can die a hero." 👀 WRONG!!! Him shooting his ex is fuck boy enough; but to try to redeem his name by claiming he's avenging others is disrespectful to the families of Brown and Garner. The only people with the right to retaliate against the police are those families and if they AREN'T taking that route, anyone doing anything beyond that point don't care about shit, but themselves. The families of Brown and Garner don't only have to cope with the loss of family members, now they have to have their mourned associated with the murders of two other men while the fuck boy who just made it hard for 4 families--and countless other families who will be caught in the crossfire of this fuckery--doesn't, because he killed himself 😒--figures. And just like obesity and taxes killed Garner, and cigars killed Brown, what killed these officers won't be this fuck boy it'll be "retaliation for police brutality," it'll be "the protests," it'll be "Sharpton and de Blasio," it'll be "because he speaks Arabic," it'll be "likes on his Instagram page," it'll be the "50 cent lyrics" it'll be EVERYTHING besides what happened. Word to the wise: if you want to do fuckery, do it in your own name.

"I Can Breathe"

This case of the #fuckboyfiles is for these fine fuck boys. Since the non-indictment of officer Daniel Pantaleo's chokehold to Eric Garner, many protests have taken place. "I Can't Breathe" were not only Eric Garner's last words but has come to represent how a lot of people feel when they see the police. And it's not because they're doing illegal shit. It's because, even when you're not doing fuck boy shit these fuck boys still treat you like a fuck boy and people undermine the psychological and emotional trauma you have to cope with when you're treated like you're guilty even when you know you haven't done anything. It's not just the death which resonates with people, it's the constant harassment that goes unseen. Now we're seeing celebrities--some sincere, others just dick riding--wearing "I Can't Breathe" shirts and these fuck boys decided to make a shirt that says "I CAN breathe" with "Thanks to the NYPD" on the back to retaliate. 😒 The fuck boy logic is on level 100 with these niggas, they don't even realize that they're proving our point: THEY CAN breathe, WE CAN'T. And this issue is bigger than the police; it's about the people who become them and the real reasons why. Many of the people with guns and badges have their opinions of the people they "serve and protect" long before they even get the gun and badge and this is proof.

Pat Robertson

Before you even say it, no this is NOT George Bush. THIS is the latest fuck boy to go into the #fuckboyfiles. Televangelist Pat Robertson. In responding to this comment from a viewer: ""It is treated as a sin to show interest in or have a mutual understanding in church with the opposite sex. Most of the people in church are frustrated because we're getting older and no one is getting married." Only using his best fuckboy logic he responds "You know those who are homosexual will die out because they don't reproduce. You have to have heterosexual sex to reproduce. Same thing with that church. It's doomed. It's going to die out, 'cause it's the most nonsensical thing I have heard in a long time. This is absurd." 😳 Besides the fact that this fuck boy treats homosexuality like it's a hidden enclave of people living under the streets waiting to destroy the world, what's "absurd" is that the comment about this church had NOTHING TO DO WITH HOMOSEXUALS. Shorty is talking about a HETEROSEXUAL church which doesn't allow HETEROSEXUALS to date, what the fuck does that have to do with HOMOSEXUALS? But this is what happens when you just let 84 year-old men talk. It reminds of that time I asked my great great great granduncle Jedediah Israel what he wanted for dinner and he told me the story of how he used to run hooch for Al Capone during the Prohibition. 😐 Chicken it is Uncle Jedediah.

Bill O'Reilly

Today's #fuckboyfiles features Bill O'Reilly and that fuck boy show, The O'Reilly Factor, where Bill fixed those pasty ass lips to say instead of wearing shirts that read "I Can't Breathe" black people should wear shirts that read "Don't Get Pregnant at 14." 😐 Deep down in my plums, it my sincerest belief that Bill O'Reilly is the mascot for evil white men. Whenever we talk about White Men or more simply "The Man," this fuck boy is the first image that pops into everyone's mind.

Mase

"Now, who's hot, who not? Tell me who rock? Who sell out in the stores?You tell me who flopped? Who copped the blue drop? Who's jewels got rocks? Who's mostly Dolce down to the tube sock? The same old pimp, Mase, you know, ain't nothing change but"--your followers on Instagram, nigga damn. This edition of the #fuckboyfiles features a fuck boy who has had more rebirths than a Buddhist. First he was Murda Mase, then he got his jaw wired and came back as Pastor Mase, then he realized that the tithes and offerings weren't for him, so he came back as Mister Rogers, then he decided "fuck it, I'm gonna be Guerrilla Mase" and joined G-Unit. Now he's the man who has 1.7 million followers on Instagram--or at least he was. Instagram has been warning niggas about the impending fake follower purge for some weeks now. Everybody saw it whenever they pulled down on their screen, and yet some niggas were like "nah, they always say that, I'm good." 👀 Well Mase wasn't one of them. Some people lost 100, 1k, 10k, (I lost about 50) this nigga lost 1.5 MILLION followers. 😐 He lost more followers than the entire population of Hawaii. And what's worse is that when his ship was sunk, the fuck boy didn't even go down with it, he deleted his account. 😒 The way Instagram did a lot of fronting ass niggas today reminds me of when my mother would ask me, "Before I let you go outside did you clean your room?" I'd tell her yes knowing damn well I just stuffed shit in the closet. And she'd ask that one question that would make me go clean my room for real: "So if I go in that room and open that closet door, I'm not gonna find anything?" Mase was that kid that was like "nah," went outside to play but got called back upstairs before he could even enjoy himself. If Instagram taught us anything today it's to clean our room right the first time. It's not that complex 🐸☕️.

Jessica Pressler

Some time ago, the #fuckboyfiles handled the case of Aaron Short one of the writers behind the Fox headline "Andrew Cuomo Meets With Former Admitted Crack Dealer Jay Z" to show how the words of invisible people (writers) have a real effect on the way we think about visible people (celebrities, politicians, each other). Now yesterday the cases of Mohammed Islam and Damir Tulemaganbetov went into the Fuckboy Files for fabricating the story of making $72 million on the stock market. Today, we have the case of Jessica Pressler, the fuck boy who actually published the fuckery in New York Mag. In an interview with CNN Money, Pressler ultimately downplayed the faulty fact-checked profile story with fuck boy logic saying, "The story is the reason to love New York. I came to love the fact that these kids are running around the city with these big dreams. It can only happen in New York, these kids eating caviar, talking about how they're going to be the new Koch bothers. It seems like a uniquely New York milieu." 😒 Don't blame your fuckery on New York. But this does expose the other half of a two-fold pathology that IS pervasive in our society. Even if it means ultimately wiping out, not only are we willing to consciously exaggerate, or completely lie about, the size of our waves to get people to ride; we are so desperate for the wave, we'll jump on any one without making sure we have a surfboard (Pause). But what's ultimately worse is having to find out, in watching people drown, who can't actually swim and Jessica Pressler is just another one of those non-swimming ass niggas who came to the beach in socks and Nike Flip-Flops.

Damir Tulemaganbetov & Mohammed Islam

If you were ever curious about what the rhetorical adage, "Were you raised by wolves?" meant, this edition of the #fuckboyfiles is here to help. Stuyvesant High School students Damir Tulemaganbetov and Mohammed Islam are what happens when kids are allowed to emulate one too many gangsters. I'm not talking about the Tony Montanas and Nino Browns of the world--this is bigger than Nino Brown. I'm talking about the Gordon Gekkos and Jordan Belforts--the niggas who DON'T die at the end of the movie and not only live to tell the tale, but get paid to do it. These two fuck boys told a tale of their own when they fabricated a story about making $72 million on the stock market trading penny stocks (literally the plot of Wolf of Wall Street). The lie ain't even the crazy part. What's crazy is how quickly the media believed and published the lie without even fact checking. You mean to tell me that all that time I was writing those MLA formatted papers with the bibliography (from easy-bib) citing sources, I could've just dropped out and gotten a job at New York Magazine or NY Post writing whatever I wanted? 😩😩😩 How far will people go for clicks? I guess it's called going "viral" for a reason. Jay-Z may have not been all right about that "numbers don't lie" doctrine. Numbers, themselves, may not lie. But if we only ever get our numbers from men and women who do lie, who's to say the numbers don't?

Mona Scott-Young

You've seen her bring us such fuck boy shows as Love & Hip-Hop: New York, Atlanta, and most recently, Hollywood now see Mona Scott-Young as you've never seen her before on the #fuckboyfiles 👏👏👏👏👏 It was one thing when shorty was bringing us the lifestyles of the vacuous and mundane but now she digging deeper than an archaeologists to keep her bundle money in tact. Her recent venture "Sorority Sisters" is a reality "based" (keyword because none of this shit is real) show about women who are in Black Greek Letter Organizations. The show is supposed to teach us the importance of Black Greek Life by watching women meet each other for lunch to talk about each other's organizations, throw shade at other's probates, fuck each other's men--and let us not forget, no show about Black Greeks is complete without the obligatory step and stroll!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉 Thank God Mona wasn't around during the 60s, this fuck boy would try to instigate fights between Betty and Coretta to get a "Real Housewives of Civil Rights Leaders" show started. 😒

Jeffrey Follmer

10 years ago Dave Chappelle had a bit in his "For What It's Worth" special called, "How Old Is 15 Really?" where he analyzed the role race plays in how our society perceives age and the difference in how our society respond to age when race is a factor. Now yesterday's case was 11 year-old Alexis Waller who stole $10,000 of her grandma's money to see a boy in Florida. While many people agreed that shorty was out of line, many more people felt that her "only being 11" should assuage the seriousness of her actions. This brings us to today's case of the #fuckboyfiles After players of the Cleveland Browns wore shirts demanding justice for the death of 12 year-old Tamir Rice who was killed by officers for having a toy gun, this fuck boy. Jeffrey Follmer demanded an apology from the players. Follmer defended the actions of the police by saying, "The shooting was justified. This male was obviously armed with what officers believed to be a real gun and thought him to be twenty. If he was twenty, we would not be sitting here today." 😐 Besides the fact that his fuck boy logic informs him that the only tragedy about this case is that a 12 year-old was killed, his fuck boy logic also informs him that if he had been of legal age, the killing wouldn't have been that big a deal. "Oh you only care because he's twelve, if he was twenty you would clearly see he was dangerous, too." But most importantly, what type of police force can't tell the difference between a 12 year-old and 20 year-old. THAT'S 8 YEARS DIFFERENCE MY NIGGA. Even if you rounded to the nearest tenth, Tamir would be 10, not 20. This just works to show how race affects age. You can be a grown ass white man with a real gun shooting real kids and they want to figure out what happened in your childhood. But let a 3 year-old black kid get caught stealing some sour patches and they'd want to fill his diaper with bullets saying, "His little black ass had no business stealing. Besides, we thought the little nigga was 30." 😒

Alexis Waller

If there's one thing the #fuckboyfiles is, it's equal opportunity. No matter your age, race, religion, sexuality, economic or educational status, if you're a fuck boy then you're a fuck boy. This edition features the case of 11 year-old Alexis Waller, from Arkansas, who decided to steal 10 racks from her grandma (that's $10,000 for those who're wondering) to see a boy she thought was "hot" in Jacksonville, Florida. Not down the block, not around the corner, not the next town over, Florida. 😐 Waller stole the money in order to finance the $2,500 trip that a cab driver agreed to make if she fronted $1,300. Shorty not only stole the bread but then left a note saying she ran away to Montana. Not the mall, not her friend's house, Montana. 😐 By the time her parents were able to track her down, seven hours later, she was outside of Atlanta.😐 upon retrieving their daughter the father commented, "You have the rest of your life to punish her. You just want to hug her and just love her because you got her back and that's what's important." No ass whooping, no screaming, not even a smack to the back of the head, just a hug.😒 My nigga, I got beat in front of the whole block when I was eleven with a stick for leaving the stoop when I was on punishment, shorty went to a whole nother region in the country and got a hug?!!! In the words of my man Dave Chappelle: "I gotta get in on this being white thing."

Bill Cosby

Since multiple stories have (re)surfaced regarding Bill Cosby's sexual offenses (drugging and raping) people have been split as to whether the stories are true. Whether he's done these things is up for debate because none of us actually know what happened and even though, in my heart of hearts, I feel like he has been doing this fuck boy shit. I have to admit that it's a feeling that's extrapolated from other situations and has very little to do with what actually happened. But for many people exhibiting fuck boy logic because this nigga wore cool sweaters, made shows instrumental to many people's childhood and adolescence, told jokes, endorsed delicious afternoon snacks and has donated millions of dollars to countless schools, these are reasons why he COULDN't have committed rape. This fuck boy logic shows that even the people who are defending Bill Cosby aren't really defending him, they're defending themselves. If it comes out that Bill Cosby is a serial rapist, it's not important that the lives of many women were destroyed (which is what's supposed to matter), it's the fact that now niggas can't enjoy Fat Albert or the Cosby show anymore. That's what's really at stake in all this: people's own desire to protect themselves from a world beyond their control. And because our culture does an exceptional job at turning people--with their own complicity--into ideas, we achieve the more difficult job of keeping them ideas so that we don't have to examine the depths of the human condition. Yes, this fuck boy has created some dope shit but that don't mean he ain't fucked up. I'm not saying that being human means you're going to rape people. I'm saying that for every dope thing we do, there's some fuck boy shit we're also doing. But that's not why Bill Cosby's case is going into the fuck boy files. His case has been opened because in the face of 20+ accusations, his only response is to tell the Black media to remain neutral. 👀 Neutral? You mean the same people you neutrally told that their kids deserved to die because they stole poundcake is the same people you want to defend you forcefully dipping your spoon in any pudding without a lid? Fuck outta here.

John Stossel

This morning's segment of the #fuckboyfiles features fuck boy John Stossel. During the "Be Reasonable" segment on Fox News, Elisabeth Hasselbeck asked Stossel about wage war between men and women to which Stossel answered, “It’s true, you women earn less than we men do, but there are reasons for it. You, maybe, are more sensible. You have put more emphasis in not working in a horrible place, not working in dangerous places, you take time off to take care of a family. There’s a reason for that.” 😒 If I'm hearing this fuck boy correctly, he's basically saying that it's not that wages are inherently unequal, it's that women choose to be paid unequally by taking "less dangerous" jobs. Right, because even in sectors of the job industry (finance, medical, education) where men and women have the same responsibilities, those unequal wages are a reflection of a women's "sensible" choice to work "safely" beneath the glass ceiling as oppose to doing the "dangerous man work" of working on top of it. This is yet another example of fuck boy logic from a fuck boy.

Al Sharpton

It's REALLLLLLLY good that we decided that the #fuckboyfiles accepted multiple offenses on cases because some fuck boys are so dedicated to their fuckery that, if we're not careful, they'll make fuck boy of everyone who comes in contact with them. For this edition, I decided to grab this old picture to emphasize just how long this nigga has been THE fuck boy of fuck boys. Yesterday, Al Sharpton and his legion NAN (Non Action Network) led a "Justice 4 All March on Washington" where, over the sweet sounds of soft jazz playing in the background, he and his staff refused anyone who didn't have a VIP badge from getting close to the stage. When protesters, many coming all the way from Ferguson, tried to get closer w/o VIP badges, Sharpton called security on them. 10 feet separated the stage from the crowd. This distance dramatizes the real difference between fuck boys who want media attention and people who want real change. What Al Sharpton and the Non Action Network organized yesterday wasn't a March, it was a VIP section at 1Oak. In all the cases this fuck boy has publicized: Yusef Hawkins, Amadou Diallou, Trayvon Martin, Mike Brown, Eric Garner, NONE of these cases has ever gotten justice. NONE! It's almost impressive how many times he's failed and has still been allowed to work. If you played basketball and never made a single shot, at some point the coach would have to bench your ass. Not Al. "Just keep shooting" the coach tells him, "you're doing great!" White people who sarcastically ask in debates, "Where is Al Sharpton when white kids get killed?" Need to understand that even WE don't want his ass there, the media does.

Aaron Short

Welcome to another case in the #fuckboyfiles Who is this guy you ask? Oh, just a fuck boy writer for the NY Post by the name of Aaron Short. What did he do you ask? Oh nothing, just co-wrote an article for Fox with the title "Andrew Cuomo Meets With Admitted Former Crack Dealer Jay-Z to Discuss Police Policy" A lot of people undermine the power of language. And even more people undermine the power writers have in this society, especially those who have the power of anonymity. Often we read articles, essays and whatever else never looking to see WHO wrote it. The same discretion we use is trying to discern who's potato salad we're eating, please begin to see WHO exactly is creating the language we think about people with. He's just one of the fuck boys. More to come... 

Susan Patton

Now on the #fuckboyfiles we have author/sexual predator's dream, Susan Patton. In a CNN interview, she says that anything less than a violent rape should be considered a "clumsy hook-up melodrama." In her fuck boy logic of a brain, if it's really rape she asks, "Why don't you get up and leave or tell the man to stop?" 😒 She doesn't stop there. Patton feels that if a woman gets drunk and high one night and a man takes advantage of her, it's not rape; "it's a learning experience." 😳😐😑 I'm sure there were sex offenders watching even saying, "This bitch wildin'" When asked if we should educate boys not to rape, she responds, "We could tell robbers not to steal, but better advice: lock your door." Right, because robbers look at locked doors and say, "Ah shit, we can't rob this house anymore. The door's locked." After this interview, this fuck boy better always make sure her doors are locked.

Thomas Galante

Me and my peoples often joke that if we had the credit score of a rich white man we'd be straight. We'd sit around and pontificate the differences between black and white spending habits: "white people don't spend their money stupidly like black people, etc." (I too exhibit fuck boy logic from time and time) It never occurred to me to investigate just how these credits score remain so high, well today's case in the #fuckboyfiles helps in explaining. Queens Library Director Thomas Galante, who already makes an annual salary of $392,000 (Literaryswag for real) apparently doesn't feel that's enough because records show he has spent $40,000 using his corporate card (our tax dollars) on Coldplay concerts, trips to Amsterdam and the Aspens, and who could forget the $23,000 he spent on furniture at Raymour & Flanigan (this fuck boy must have some nice ass ottomans in his crib) I realized that it's not that these fuck boys don't spend their money stupidly, it's that they spend OURS stupidly. These fuck boys are undoubtedly scamming, and they're buying more than Monclers and Hermes belts. 

Paul Gosar

Congress Representative for Arizona, Paul Gosar is a new case in the #fuckboyfiles. While coming to a new agreement on a land deal that would give the U.S. Control over the country's largest copper mine between America's Federal Government and Fort Apache's Reservation, Gosar, who couldn't get the tribe to agree to the terms, offered, "You're still wards of the federal government" 👏 👏 👏 👏 (that's a slow clap in case you were wondering) Moving onto a nigga's land while they're there is one thing, taking it is another, but when you threaten with the sentiment "you know we could just TAKE it?" as if this country's history with native Americans hasn't been that of "you could either give us the land or we could just take it, your choice." Bang up job to the fine fuck boys in Arizona, bang up job.